I can’t even put my feelings into words and that sucks, but that’s not even the worst part. Even if I could express how I feel.. I have no one to even talk to about it.
I’m becoming abundantly aware of what my future could be. It’s extremely scary but enlightening at the same time. I am a capable of doing anything I want to, I just have to put forth the effort and dedication. I’m finally getting everything together and it feels pretty good.
Empty. Complete and utter emptiness. Not the kind you feel after an earth-shattering heartbreak. Not the kind you feel when you lose a loved one. Not the kind that is accompanied by tears. The kind that enters after it’s all over. After the heartbreak is over, after the grief is gone. The kind that makes you think “What do I do with myself now?” After all the tears have dried out, after the hours of laying in bed thinking and screaming into your pillow about why this happened to you, after all the anger has faded away. It’s all gone. Every feeling and thought drained from your body leaving you with an eternal emptiness. Over any other, this kind of emptiness is the worst.
Trying to get rid of baggage and clear the unnecessary things out of my life has been harder than I thought. I wish it could be as simple as closing my eyes and thinking “all the bad things, just go away” but it’s not. It’s getting better but it’s still a challenge every day. Transitions are hard but if you don’t let go of what was bad in the past, you can’t receive better things that will come in your future.